We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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