2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
My vagina is officially offended.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
