I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
