Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
