haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
