im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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