Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
