I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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