i think my mom watched the whole time
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
