I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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