and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
