Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
