heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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