I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Randomize
