what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
