Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize