its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
