3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
well, you know. whores of a feather.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
