there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
