You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
