so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
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