Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
