the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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