If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize