By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
