Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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