I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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