You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize