just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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