Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
