On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
