Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
