i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
