you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
