I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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