before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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