Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
