Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
