so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
