i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
