i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Do you have feelings for this penis?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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