I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
my god I love twenty year old dicks
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