theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
There are leaves in my underwear?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize