Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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