but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Come on in and take your pants off
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