Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
