My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
