i don't like sucking hair
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
