I will die if light touches me.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
