Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
There's always time for handjobs
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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