I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize