perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
cat food counts as protein by the way
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
