He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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