Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
