she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just gift wrapped bread.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Randomize
