Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
