Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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