your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
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