i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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