he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
