If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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