Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
