You're completely useless in the revolution.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
