check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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