Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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