Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
