she looked like the before picture.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
