I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
