he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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