True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
