i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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