I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
