Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize